If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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