It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
As shirtless as possible
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
