I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
