My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize