she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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