he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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