you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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