his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
