his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
