We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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