How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
