I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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