After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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