Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
