I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
