I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
