Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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