I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
