Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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