I looked at my own cervix.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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