i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
