I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Screwed.edu
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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