There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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