Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
