when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
