Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
