OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
