she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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