I think my vagina is haunted
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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