I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
