I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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