we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
