Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize