Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
