I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
