take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
