I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
