she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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