4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
