A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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