Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
