That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
