Small penises have feelings too.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
