brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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