Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
