I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
