That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
