Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
