Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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