my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
