You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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