Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
