i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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