as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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