Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
