wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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