I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
