What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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