You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
