How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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