i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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