you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
