i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
