what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
