Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
