Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How naked do you want me to be?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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