Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
