I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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