i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
