Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
