Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
