Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
