I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
