btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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