My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
